THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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