There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
