I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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