Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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