She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
