Your face is a jimmy john
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
