I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
