thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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