Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
