We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
