I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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