wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
