dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Randomize
