I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
