Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize