i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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