she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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