Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
