When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
