i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
