if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
