Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
