it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
