My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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