he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
