yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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