So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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