I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
