Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
