HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
