you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
