I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
