I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
