i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
