the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
