I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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