Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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