I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
