I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How external is "for external use only"?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
