i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize