She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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