you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
