You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
