Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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