I bet he comes in French.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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