first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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