Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
