I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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