Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
