so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
