I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize