I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
