Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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