Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
