Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
