I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
