I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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