Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
