also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
