My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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